Nonduality stopped me advocating for myself

Has this happened for you too?

Although the title says ‘Nonudality’ stopped me advocating for myself, let’s start by being really truthful. It wasn’t nonduality’s fault.

I mean, apart from anything else, that’s just a word we use to describe a collective set of pointers and teachings for the infinite, eternal truth of reality.

That nondual, infinite, eternal truth of reality has nothing to do with my misunderstanding of what was being shared.

This ‘stopping of advocating’ happened for me in amongst the ‘no self’ exploration. Or rather, became exaggerated.

In the *idea* that there’s nobody here doing any of this, I had done the old coin-flip thing.

Starting from ‘I’m doing it all, I’m in control’…

I moved to being pointed to look (and genuinely seeing) ‘there is no me here doing anything’ (I felt the joy and freedom of this genuine seeing).

But then that genuine seeing became an idea and the thought-coin was flipped from ‘I’m doing it all, I’m in control’ to…

The idea of ‘there’s no me here doing anything. There’s nobody in control.’ Holding this as an idea or belief is NOT THE SAME as genuinely seeing it.

So now, living through that idea, if something wasn’t going the way I wanted it to, the experience was met with ‘well, this is what’s happening. It must be meant to be here because it’s what’s happening. And there’s nobody here to do anything about it. I’m living in the flow.’

There is a degree of truth to all of this. AND it misses the big neon sign of life that says both/and.

It is what’s happening AND here, as this person, I get to choose a yes or no to this.

It is meant to be, because it’s here AND I get to go along with it, or not.

There is no separate self here to do anything, AND there is infinite self appearing as Helen who can do something.

It is all flow already AND sometimes in that flow there is a change in direction, some disruption, or a difference of opinions. That’s also flow.

In the absence of that both-and-ness of the exploration, in the absence of really seeing who I am, what this body-mind is, and who it was I’d thought myself to be before all this, there was an absence of advocating for myself.

Thankfully the infinite, eternal self that we are usually has a way of steering us back on track to complete the journey.

But the more people who are aware of this, the more easily we’ll spot it for ourselves and each other, and the more easily we’ll be able to course-correct.

And continue advocating for ourselves.

  • Helen Amery
    My work involves exploring with people who are on the awakening and enlightenment journey. They’ve already seen a lot but they can also feel that their understanding is more conceptual than felt, and lived. They can feel that there is more to be seen and understood and yet they also don’t know how to ‘get at’ that. I focus on this shift from conceptual into the deeper, felt understanding of it.

    You can find me at

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