The other day we wrote about why the separate self conversation can be so disruptive when we’re attached and identified with what isn’t essential to who we are. But it can also be disruptive in another way – when we try and make ourselves adopt the ideas of being separate as a requirement that’s never been known before.
Sara’s story illustrates this very experience…
Sara’s Separate Self Story
The alliteration of that title amuses me! Sara here.
I have to admit, I’d never heard of a “separate self” until about eight years ago. I’d been comfortably unaware of the whole awakening conversation, and I’d never questioned who I was.
If you’d asked me who I was, the answer would have been a simple “me”, without the need to justify or compare.
But somehow, I sat in on a few workshops, listened carefully to what was being taught, and I came away with this idea that there was an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. That I had to work really hard to know when the “true self” was offering me wisdom, and when the “separate self” was leading me astray.
Which, it has to be said, was pretty confusing. It looked like I had to examine every thought to work out if it were good or bad.
And suddenly, there was this separate self that it seemed I needed to make feel secure at all times, or it would lead me astray. I experienced a level of agitation and disruption I’d never known in my whole life.
I couldn’t understand why knowing about this separate self was a relief to anyone!
I am stubborn to the point of pig-headness. And I refuse to accept things until I’ve dismantled and rebuilt them for myself – I am the kid who’d touch the hot stove to find out how hot it was. So, I dived deep into what was being said, and what it really meant.
What I discovered was something I hadn’t heard said before – only then, of course, I found Rupert Spira and how clearly he spoke to the same thing! The separate self doesn’t exist. There was no insatiable monster to feed. It didn’t need to be made to feel safe. Its appearance was nothing more than a misunderstood reflection of my current experience: all the thoughts, emotions, sensations and perceptions.
The sense I’d been carrying that I don’t ‘get it’ because I’m still experiencing a body and a personal perceptive? That vanished like a mini vampire brought into the light.
I went back to being simply “me”. But with a whole new level of understanding and articulation of what that meant.
Much love
Helen and Sara
PS
Chapter Six of The Complete Book of Awakening clarifies this coming and going belief.
And several people have said the extended Exploration 5.1 in The Momentum Builder for Awakening REALLY nailed another level of clarity with this. Buy that course here so you can experience that clarity too.
